First love <3

The English word love can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from pleasure (“I loved that meal”) to interpersonal attraction (“I love my partner”). It can refer to an emotion of a strong affection and personal attachment. It can also be a virtue representing human kindnesscompassion, and affection—”the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another”. And it may describe compassionate and affectionate actions towards other humans, one’s self or animals. That’s the definition of Wikipedia.

I haven’t exactly grasp the idea of love yet until my first love comes. I was a grade-6 student then, when i found out that he has a crush on me since grade-4. As time passed by, his crush on me eventually turned into love. Don’t you think na we’re too young to fall in love? How can i be sure na he really loves me? Does he even know the  meaning of love at that time? Anyway, we had a cute story back then. I started studying in that school nung grade-1 ako tapos he’s a transfer student nung grade-4 kami. Back then, i was a jolly bad ass person and i was the person who does not care about anything. “I’ll do my thing here and you do yours there”, “YOLO”, “HAHAHAHAHAHA”, “Mind your own business”, “Why do you care?” And that time i remember na i really hate yung mga students na teacher’s pet. Eh he is one. So everything he does that na connected sa pagiging teacher’s pet, pisses me off. And I hate him so much. There were times na i say really bad things behind his back and teases him. But who knows na after 2 years yung galit ko turned into love. We had mutual feelings for each other when we were in grade-6 and little by little kong na discover his charms and eventually fall for them. One day, he finally confessed his feelings to me and ask me to enter a relationship with him. I said yes and we’re together in quite sometime. He’s a cute boy that has characteristics of a romantic man. He’s my ideal guy and for me he’s perfect! I always enjoyed his company and there wasn’t a dull moment with him. He melts me with his hot voice, cute laugh, sparkling eyes, bubbly attitude, positive outlook, and his “Kamatay-matay na ngiti” oh how i love his smile. I love it when he saves money secretly and buys me special gifts. His parents liked me and i go to their house sometimes. We were perfect and i actually imagined him as my husband already! Pero good things always comes to an end. Since i’m the youngest and the only girl in the family (unica hija), for them i am really precious na bawal ako mag boyfriend. My brother saw his posts, his i love you messages, and everything. And told my parents about it. Had no choice but to break-up with him before my parents finds out na were already going out. My friends said “tago mo nalang yan”, “sabihin mo mag kaibigan lang kayo”, in short, they told me to hide our relationship. Yes i tried it but my conscience won’t leave me. I felt like i was dying because my conscience was killing me. I have decided to end our relationship. But our feelings were still there and yung mga ginagawa namen is still the same. We just don’t want to make our relationship official para safe kami if my parents asks. So we ended up to be super close and special friends to each other. Well, that’s our relationship status for the school year and we’re happy. Again good things always come to an end.

Graduation day is at hand and we were already planning kung paano kami mag kikita kasi my mom enrolled me to an all girls school. Which is for me horrible kasi i thought i can’t really be happy without him. All summer and for the pass few months being a freshman ay stable kami and had constant communication. Pero little by little siyang nawawala and onti onti ding nawala yung feeling namen sa isa’t isa. I knew long distance relationship won’t work. So yun time passed by at nawala nga lahat ng connections at communications namen sa isa’t-isa. And found out na kaya pala ganun is because he found a new girl. I said to myself it’s alright, he’s just a guy. I kept telling my self na ok lang yan. I even pretended na wala akong paki. But deep inside i know na masakit. I felt depressed and alone. Pero because of what happened, i found out na i was never alone na SOMEONE was there waiting for me. Do you know who? It’s Jesus! HE was there all along, HE filled me with love na di ko na kakailangan pa yung sakanya, HE helped me realize na i don’t deserve a guy like him but i deserve someone better, HE assured and gave me a promise to never leave me nor forsake me. HE even gave HIS life for me. Now who would do that? No one else but HIM! I go to HIS house, and felt overwhelmed because the more i get to know HIM, the more i want to know more about HIM. I felt secured, like a princess and i couldn’t ask for more. HE completes me! I was so happy that my relationship with HIM grew. I got to know HIM more and more.

People always say first love never dies. I thought it’s true cause of what happened after our junior year has ended. Its summer, which means my birthday is near. I don’t know why he talked to me, pero i think my feelings for him is coming back. The next day we talked again and so on. The night before my birthday he asked me out again. Eh baliw ako sakanya and i decided  to date him again. And i felt na it’s the best birthday gift ever. So we’re together again and felt happy and inlove. But God sent me to 3 summer camps that summer and there’s only one thing God asks from me, to break up with him. I asked HIM, Why? I’m so happy with him and i finally got him back. HE rebuked me and told me to obey HIM and trust HIM na my relationship with him is not worth it. I said, yes Lord. But can you give me more time? i cried a lot about this and pinatagal ko. i didn’t obey what HE wants me to do. HE made HIS own way. SIYA na mismo yung kumilos. The guy broke up with me again and found a new one. Leaving me with a broken heart. Nahihiya ako lumapit SAKANYA because i didn’t obey and trust HIM. Pero even though i did that to HIM, in the end HE is still always there for me.

The statement true love never dies is actually true. Cause i found out na he wasn’t my first love because HE is. Remember na we love because HE first loved us. How’s your relationship with Jesus?

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